Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
