she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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