we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
