Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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