Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
two words...techno handjob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize