i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
