one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My ATM looks so different sober.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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