he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
