it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
