i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
