Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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