we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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