Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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