Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
