hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
