I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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