FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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