im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
