I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You are a genius and a whore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
