So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
