just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
