woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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