So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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