hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
