yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize