a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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