allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
