i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
