I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
