Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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