question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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