I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
