I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
