u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
