i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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