I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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