He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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