I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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