watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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