3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
