I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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