worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
