I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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