Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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