You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
