I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
