Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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