i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
