If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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