I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
