Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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