She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize