i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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