Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
