Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
