i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
