summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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