seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
