Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
