Umm I'm too high to move.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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