Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
