Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We are two peas in an std pod
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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