Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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