The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
