my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
