Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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