And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
