bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
