i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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