i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
