I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
