when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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