i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
